


3 words are not enough

by LunaFreak



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: AU, Emotional, Engagement, M/M, Marriage Proposal, a bit at least, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2019-05-03 04:53:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14561286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LunaFreak/pseuds/LunaFreak
Summary: "Are you alright?" Sherlock asked back." 'course I am al-" "You didn’t say it back." Sherlock cut him off.A beat."Do I have to?" John simply asked.





	3 words are not enough

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! This is actually my first English fanfiction I've ever published. So you're more than welcome to give me some feedback, so I can improve :)
> 
> And also: Thanks to my best friend for beta-reading. You are the greatest.

John was sitting in his chair in front of the fireplace, slowly tapping on his keyboard. Sherlock was sprawled out on the sofa. He came home about 2 hours ago, toed his shoes off, got rid of his coat and scarf and collapsed on the sofa. Asleep within minutes.

John had just smiled, put the rustling news papers away and instead opened his laptop to write a new blog entry. 

Now it was half past 12am. John yawned and closed his laptop, putting it on the table. He walked over to where Sherlock was still sleeping. He sat down on the coffee table and let his eyes wander over his boyfriend. Should he wake him?

Well, he had tried carrying Sherlock to their room before which had ended in back pain for John. 

 

_("You were lighter in your teenage years!"_ John had said. " _Of course. Do I look like a teenager to you?"_ Sherlock had snapped. " _I also barely ate back then." "Oh yeah. I really had trouble getting you to eat.."_ John answered. They ended up laughing.)

 

But out of experience it wouldn’t end well for Sherlock if John would let him sleep on the sofa. He would either roll off it, searching for John’s presence, or wake up with a horrible headache because his head was positioned weird.

So John decided to wake him. He leaned down, kissing his cheek and stroking through his hair. "Sherlock?" John whispered. "Mhhhm.." Sherlock slowly opened his eyes and leaned into John’s soft touch. 

"You might want to get up." John smiled. "Mhmm.. no." his boyfriend sleepily answered.

"Well, it’s either that or pain." chuckled John. Sherlock was up in an instant. "You’re right. I’m not sleeping on this sofa again."

They strode into their bedroom and got themselves ready for bed. 

When John came back from the bathroom Sherlock was already tucked into bed. He couldn’t quite make out if Sherlock was asleep or not, no light in the room and even the moon, that shone trough the windows sometimes and made Sherlock even paler than he already was, was absent. Carefully John sat down on his side of the bed, eyes still trained on Sherlock. He looked like he was asleep, just his chest slightly moving up and down. 

As John was moving to lay down Sherlock turned his head. "Jawn?"

Oh he definitely had been slumbering. Sherlock was just slurring John’s name after he woke up or when he was drunk. John thought that this was absolutely adorable. 

"Yes?" John let himself sink into the pillow.

"I love you."

John just smiled. His heart was beating a tick faster than normal and he just laid there and smiled. He was genuinely happy. John would probably always forever and ever feel like that when Sherlock said those 3 words. Out of Sherlock’s mouth they meant the world to him. He was barely saying them, making them special. And there where not a lot of people that Sherlock loved.

A moment passed and he felt Sherlock’s eyes boring into his skin.

"What?" John asked his boyfriend.

"Are you alright?" Sherlock asked back.

" 'course I am al-" "You didn’t say it back." Sherlock cut him off.

A beat. 

"Do I have to?" John simply asked. He was concerned. Did Sherlock not feel loved? Had John failed to show Sherlock how precious he was? Did he stop doing that at some point?

There was a heavy silence in the room, feeling like tons of bricks.

John closed his eyes and took a deep breath. In and out.

"Do I have to say it for you to know that I love you, Sherlock?"

Sherlock moved to face away from John. These next few words were going to hurt. And he was scared.

"I.. If you d-don’t want to.. can’t a-anymore then that’s fi-" he started but got interrupted by John almost immediately after he noticed what Sherlock was going to say.

"Sherlock, no. We talked about this. I-I would never..I.." John trailed off, completely at a loss for words. 

"I just.. You always said it back." Sherlock’s voice was trembling slightly. He was trying to hold his ground as best as he could.

"I know. But do you think that I don’t love you just because I didn’t say it back?" John asked, voice thick with emotions. He lifted his left hand and let it rest on Sherlock’s arm.

First John thought he had overheard it but Sherlock’s response was so quiet, almost a whisper mumbled under his boyfriends breath. "no."

It was followed by intense silence on both sides. Neither knowing what to say.

John should’ve known. Sherlock was a complicated individual. Even after all those years, eight to be exact, Sherlock was still a little broken. John had done his best to fix him. But the brilliant man laying next to him would always have scars of his cruel past. They weren’t present anymore. But certain things would pent up Sherlock’s emotions, making him insecure. The feeling of being unwanted creeping back into his body, clouding his mind.

John had sworn to himself and Sherlock to never let that happen again. Sherlock deserved to be loved and wanted and appreciated and so much more. 

His childhood had been hard. Countless things tearing on his little soul. Making him cold, emotionless. High walls standing tall inside, where no one could hear them fall. 

John had managed to break them down. Brick by brick. Showing Sherlock how emotions worked. Treating him the way he should be treated. With care and love, tenderness and respect. Being there for him when the world seemed to break apart and when it felt like walking on clouds. 

John was always there, mending his broken soul. Loving it. Fixing it.

John inhaled deeply.

"Sherlock, I love you. Of course I do. Sometimes I just feel like this is not enough."

Sherlock’s heart quickened up his pace. His breathing was fast and shallow. Would this be the end? Would Sherlock have to fight his demons alone? Would John break Sherlock?

"These 3 words are just not enough for me to describe the love I feel for you. They’re just scratching my hearts surface. I will never be able to put it all into words because there are no words for this."

John’s voice was shaking. His heart racing. Sherlock felt fragile, like a glass vase standing on the edge of a table on the verge of falling. 

"Sherlock you are my partner in crime, my best friend, my light in the dark, my love. And I don’t ever want you to feel not loved. The day I can’t say it anymore will be the day I die, but even then I will still hold it inside."

John sniffled. He had started to move his thumb up and down in the middle of the conversation, trying to comfort Sherlock somehow. Then he took a deep breath and moved away from Sherlock, his boyfriend missing the touch, the warmth, immediately. 

The blonde stood up and switched the light on, squinting at the sudden change of brightness. He strode over to his dresser and opened the last drawer searching for something certain in between his trousers.

Sherlock hadn’t moved. He was overwhelmed with emotions. He didn’t know what to feel. It was a good thing though, wasn’t it? John wouldn’t leave. Not yet, at least. But the the sound of a drawer opening had panic creeping up inside him. Sherlock mentally prepared himself for sleeping alone tonight. Where would John go? 

"Sherlock?" The name was said with such love, rolling off John’s tongue. He walked over to Sherlock, coming to halt when his knees almost touched his boyfriends side of the bed.

"Please, look at me." Sherlock’s eyes were closed. He knew they were glassy and couldn’t bring himself to open them. Sherlock felt John moving to kneel down, reaching out and letting his hand rest on Sherlock’s cheek, stroking it slightly. 

"Please." John’s voice cracked. And that’s what made Sherlock open his eyes.

John smiled a sad smile. "You know, I planned on doing this very different. But maybe that’s just our life, everything is unplanned." the blonde chuckled slightly.

That’s when Sherlock noticed the little box in John’s left hand. He gasped and sat up in one swift motion. His mouth open. John positioned himself properly, down on one knee and opened the box. It revealed a white golden band entwined with itself and a small diamond in the middle.

 

"Sherlock, you mean everything to me. 

You are my whole world. And every day when I wake up next to you I’m so unbelievable grateful to be the one you chose to let in, to love. The day we met will always be the best day in my life. You helped me break out of a routine that would have destroyed me. You showed me that sometimes, letting go is good and that I shouldn’t take everything as it is. 

You made me a better man. I want to spend the rest of my life and everything after that with you and I hope you want that too, with me. 

So I ask you William Sherlock Scott Holmes, will you marry me?”

 

Silence. Sherlock didn’t move, only the tears that were streaming down his face. His mouth still open, still no words. His eyes were fixed on John but at the same time they were empty, as if he was somewhere else. He was starring. Mind trying to process what was happening.

“Ok this is getting a bit scary now.” John laughed nervously. 

Still no reaction. Now John’s mind started racing. What if Sherlock liked it the way it was? They never actually talked about marriage. Didn’t Sherlock want to get married? Did he take it too far? Would he loose Sherlock now? Maybe he could still fix it. But he needed Sherlock to answer.

John lifted his hand to Sherlock’s knee and squeezed it.

“Sherlock, say something..”

Suddenly those beautiful eyes focused and Sherlock inhaled deeply, as if he had been underwater and just came up from under the surface. 

He looked into John’s insecure eyes. 

“yes.” 

A whisper. A whiff. A ghost of a breath. For anyone else it would have been nothing. But for John it was like a scream ringing in his ears. And he never wanted to hear anything else again. John broke into giggles, he was relieved. He was happy.

Sherlock joined the sweet sound and together it sounded like a melody. John took the ring out of the little box and slid it onto Sherlock’s finger. 

But his now-fiancé didn’t care, he grabbed John by his collar and pulled him up until their lips met. Dancing with each other like a sweet symphony. Lips between lips, between teeth, tongues playing with each other. Soft moans swallowed by the others mouth. The need to breathe long forgotten.

Sherlock’s hands let go of the collar and came to rest on John’s collarbones, grabbing the fabric of his shirt as if it was a lifesaver keeping him from drowning in the kiss. John’s left hand was still holding the little box and his right vanished in Sherlock’s messy curls, softly tugging on them making Sherlock moan. 

After what felt like an eternity John pulled away, but just a mere inch, lips so close, breath mingling in the little space between. Both were completely out of breath, panting heavily trying to get oxygen into their lungs. The blonde let the little box fall to the ground, grabbing Sherlock by his shoulders and tackling him onto the bed. He crawled into his now-fiancé lap and leaned down, mouth touching soft skin right were neck and shoulder met. 

John was sucking on the tender skin long enough to leave a mark before he moved upwards, peppering kisses on Sherlock’s throat, along his jawline, behind his ear, biting down gently on his soft spot. Sherlock moaned, fingers digging into firm shoulders.

John’s lips moved over the shell of Sherlock’s ear, over sharp cheekbones, down his nose and stopped shortly before their lips met. 

"I love you so much you idiot.." John said and Sherlock could feel the blondes lips moving in front of his own. "..and don’t you dare thinking anything else. Ever." 

Now their lips were crashing into each other. Softness gone, leaving for pure want and need. Tongues playing and fighting with each other. Hands roaming, sliding under shirts and taking them off. The kiss heating up even more with every passing second. 

John broke the kiss, ushering Sherlock completely onto the bed but before John could start were he left off, his face was cradled in his fiancé’s hands. Their eyes met, gazing into each others soul. 

A moment passed.

"Thank you." Sherlock said and not a word more was needed. They both knew what hid behind those two little words. 

Thank you for staying, 

for being stubborn and not giving up, 

for mending, fixing, loving. 

For always being there, 

for choosing to continue to be.

For everything.

For giving yourself to me.

 

Thank you.

 

* * *

 

The ring:

 [https://www.brilliantearth.com/rings/cyorings/purchase_review/?did=5545278&sid=3821855](https://www.brilliantearth.com/rings/cyorings/purchase_review/?did=5545278&sid=3821855)

**Author's Note:**

> So, I hope you enjoyed it and your eyes are not bleeding right now! :D I would looove some feedback :3


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